


Savage Feelings

by DarkenedHeart



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: "Into the Speed Force", (Goes by so fast-you blink & miss it), (Just warning you to be fair.), (Speculation & Nonsense), Angst, Brief mentions of 3x17, Drama, Eddie is ALIVE?!, I have NO IDEA WHAT I'm doing anymore!!!, M/M, NOT Barry Friendly, OOC, People make bad decisions., Post-S03E16, The feels!, Wha-a-at?, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 08:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10460319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkenedHeart/pseuds/DarkenedHeart
Summary: Julian meets a guy at a bar.Things sort of spiral out of control after that...





	1. Chapter 1

Julian holds himself together until they get Wally back. He doesn't break down because his "friends" use him as a mouthpiece for a maniac. He doesn't fall apart because the woman he was falling for only wanted him for his expertise and was not interested in him at all. He doesn't let the unfair world around him affect him in the slightest.

Not until after the world settles after their latest "win".

Then Julian finds a pub.

The Brit was walking the streets. He needed a drink, a strong one, but he couldn't decide if it would be better to buy a case and take it home or find a hole in the wall with something on tap he could try to dry out.

When he sees a Union Jack in the window of a bar with a name he doesn't bother to read, the decision is made for him as he feels compelled to enter it.

The place is small but comfortable, with plenty of open seats at the bar and a few booths in the back.

Julian takes a seat at the end of the bar, as close to the door so he can find it easier after he's thoroughly drunk, and puts all his cash on the counter.

"I'll have whatever will get me the most intoxicated for this much, please," he tells the bartender.

The man, a forty-something with dark grey hair and definition in his arms (most likely built to personally knock out riff-raff who enter his place) looks down at the money, up at the blonde, then nods.

He start Julian off with a shot and beer chaser.

Julian downs the shot without tasting it, but as he follows it with the beer, he feels the burn from whatever it was eat at his esophagus.

He swallows through the burning, eyes pinched closed as he tries to drink and breathe at the same time.

He drops the empty cup with an audible 'thump' and stares down at the bar as he waits for his refill.

Two similar drinks later, a clearing of a throat to Julian's left startles him out of his own dark thoughts.

A blonde man with sky blue eyes smiles at Julian, his hands hidden under the coat in his arms.

"Hi," the newcomer says, smile widening to show the whites of his teeth. "My name is Eddie. I couldn't help but notice you sitting here alone and thought I'd...I mean," he huffs a nervous laugh as he hesitates to finish. "Can I sit by you? Is that-Are you okay with that?"

'Of course not!' Julian thinks, but is far too tired from his own depression to snap at the man. Instead he looks back to his drink with a quiet, "I'm afraid I won't be very good company."

"Is that a yes?" Eddie asks, sounding worried. Julian shrugs, so the man takes a seat on the stool beside him. "Thanks. I'm not new to this city, but...Well, I've been gone so long it doesn't feel like 'my city' anymore. I never knew so much could change so quickly, but now I..." he huffs another nervous laugh. "Sorry. I'm just rambling at you and you probably don't even care. I'm just... I feel so lost here."

Julian sighs as he contemplates completely ignoring the man. His manners war with his current mental status. He downs his fourth round of the night, lets it seep into his usually sharp mind to bring it to a crescendo of buzzing in the back of his brain.

A brain that Savitar could control once again, if he so wished it.

Julian sighs again as he turns to the stranger. The bartender is handing the blonde a bottle of beer, to which he thanks him and motions with it in a silent form of cheers.

'Maybe venting to a complete stranger will do me good.' Julian thinks. 'No. Can't do that. I might say the wrong thing.'

Eddie turns to Julian, notices him looking at him, and his pleasant smile fades.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asks, moving to stand.

"No!" Julian nearly shouts. After thinking about Savitar, he has the sudden fear of being alone; being exposed to danger with no one to help him.

Eddie takes his seat again. He places his beer hand on the bar counter as he turns fully to the other blonde.

"Are you okay, mister?" he asks worriedly. "Do you need me to call someone for you? Are you in some sort of trouble?"

"Julian," the Brit introduces himself with a painful smile. "And no, thanks. I'm quite alright."

"Oh, good," Eddie smiles again. "Obviously, something's bothering you. Who goes to a bar alone to drink when there isn't? But I was hoping it was nothing major."

"What's bothering you then?" Julian prompts to deflect things from himself.

"I told you," the other blonde shrugs. "I feel alone. So," he shrugs again. "I thought I'd drink alone."

Alone. That was a word Julian could definitely identify with. He's been alone since childhood, really. Only more so after his sister died.

Maybe he could find a new friend, outside Barry's little hero world, within the land of the lonely.

"Guess you're not alone now," Julian remarks, to which Eddie gives him the brightest smile of the night.

The bartender brings Julian his fifth and final beer, so he makes it a point to actually taste the brew.

It must be something the UK had on tap as well, that or he was more smashed than he originally assumed, because it sort of tasted like home.

Sort of, in that back-of-the-mind, niggling kind of way.

While Julian savors his last drink, Eddie does his best to 'catch up'. He downs three beers in as many minutes it takes for Julian to finish half way of his own cup.

"I think this might have been a bad idea," Eddie remarks as he sways in his seat, fifth beer sitting pristine and untouched on the counter. "I don't think this Yank can hold a candle to you, Julian. Are all British men as good as you when it comes to drinking?"

"We have our lightweights," Julian smirks, taking another guzzle of beer. The world tilts a little, but he keeps his head held high as he powers through it. He fishes out his phone and frowns at the black screen. 'Had I forgotten to charge you?'

"Do you think we could share a taxi?" Eddie asks, then points to the other man's phone. "Hey...Isn't that sup-supposed to light up?"

Julian tries to turn on his device, but it doesn't work. With a sigh, he pockets it and tries to remember how to get home from where he was.

It was difficult, especially now that he couldn't think straight at all.

The bartender comes to the blondes rescue by offering to call them a cab.

"Don't want you two get'in run over," he says with a light accent that Julian would be able to place if he were in his right mind. Maybe the man was British as well; it would explain the Union Jack in the window.

"Thanks, man," Eddie smiles at the bartender. "I-I'll totally owe ya one. Mhm..."

"Right," the bartender grumbles, then heads to the back of his bar to get use the landline.

Julian slowly pushes himself off his chair. His vision swims, so he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath so he won't get nauseas.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Eddie says unhappily.

"Do you have someone at home to watch over you?" Julian asks, opening one eye to look at the man.

Eddie shakes his head. "Nah. I got no one. No on in this entire city cares about me. M'alone."

"It's like looking in a mirror."

Eddie's brow furrows as he looks to Julian. "What?"

"Sorry," Julian feels his face heat up with the slip. He had meant for that to be IN his head, not OUT his mouth. "You sound a lot like how I feel."

"That's terrible," Eddie comments. "We should be friends. Keep each other company. Would you like that, Julian?"

Julian was never one to rush into rash acts. Whenever he DID, it always ended badly for him....But something about Eddie's bright eyes, easy smiles, and kind personality drew Julian in like one of his insect specimens to certain scents.

"I'd like that very much, actually," Julian says without needing to force the smile on his face this time. "But," his buzzed brain interrupts. "How would I contact you? My mobile's busted."

"Oh! Here!" Eddie fumbles with his coat, nearly falling off his stool as he does so, but he manages to remain seated and pull out his own cellphone to hand to the other blonde. "Put your number in here. Like you're gonna call it. I'll know it's you when I wake up after my hangover."

"You sure you will?" Julian jokes as he does what the other man said.

Eddie laughs. "I might be wasted, but I never forget a pretty face."

Julian pauses, finger hovering over the last digit to his number.

"What?" he asks, voice low as he looks up at the other blonde.

"Oh, crap, I am so, SO sorry!" Eddie's face goes red. "I didn't mean to assume anything! I swear! Crap. I'm bi. Not that you are! I am. I think you're hot. I shouldn't have said that-that thing. Crap. I'm sorry! Are you okay?"

"I'm...fine," Julian says quietly, trying to take in the new detail of the other man through his clouded brain. He feels something in his hand and belatedly remembers that it's a phone. What was he doing with it again?

"I'm sorry, Julian! Honest. Please don't be mad," Eddie pleads, getting off his stool only to fall against the bar when his legs won't hold him.

Julian pockets the phone in his hands to help the other man to stand.

"It's fine," Julian assures him. "I...Thank you...For the compliment."

"Your voice is sexy," Eddie grins, then closes his eyes tightly with a curse. "I'm sorry. I did it again. You can just leave me here. I'll-I'll walk home. Take a second taxi. Or...whatever."

"Oi! Lovebirds," the bartender interrupts. "Your ride is here."

"You go," Eddie insists, pushing against Julian's arms that were holding him up. "I'll get the next one."

"I'm made of sterner stuff than you realize, Eddie," Julian tells the other man as he straightens as best he can, taking the other man with him. They're actually in a hunched over position of standing, but Julian will take it. "We're grown adults. We can take a bloody cab together."

"Are you sure?" Eddie asks, even as he allows the other man to help support his steps. "I don't want to be a bother. You seemed to have a lot going on."

"You apparently get very chatty when drunk," Julian comments as he manages to get them out the front door.

The cold night air hits the two like a wall and they nearly stumble back into the bar.

Together, supporting each other, they manage to get into the vehicle. It's more of a tumbling of two bodies into the cushion in the back, but they both get in and the door closes behind them, so it counts.

Julian calls out his address to the driver first, knowing he wasn't too far from his apartment. Eddie mumbles something into the backseat cushions, but Julian figures he can have it repeated after they get to his place.

The short ride seems endlessly long to the drunks and Julian dozes off at least twice before they make it to his apartment.

"I'm not taking your boyfriend to a second location," the driver states angrily, for no reason Julian can discern. "You seem lucid enough to pay. Do so and get out."

"You're a right cabbie man," Julian remarks hotly as he hands over a random credit card from his wallet. He focuses on getting it back as his head sways, then pockets it with his wallet once it's returned.

The cab driver goes as far as getting out of his own car to help the two drunk blondes out of it and pushes them towards the apartment building before driving off.

"Is this my place?" Eddie asks as he looks around. "Why is everything different?"

"This is my place," Julian explains. He nudges the other man, "Where's your phone? I'll call another cab."

"Do you know their number?" Eddie asks as he pats himself down. "My coat," he whines. After a few more pats, he blinks up to the other blonde. "My phone and coat are gone. Were we robbed?"

Julian, against his best and strongest wishes, starts to giggle.

Eddie frowns at him, then bursts into laughter as well.

It's roughly 2AM and the pair of blonde men are laughing on a side street.

"Come on, mate," Julian pats Eddie on the arm. "You can crash at mine. In the morning we'll sort it out."

"You're as nice as you are hot," Eddie remarks.

Julian has to fight a hot face and flailing limbs as he helps the other man to his feet. They sway and giggle and nearly fall several times as they make it to the right blurred number in the lines of apartment doors.

"Why isn't it 221?" Eddie asks as Julian looks through all his pockets for his keys.

Julian finds two phones, which confuses him until he finds his keys. Ignoring the anomaly, he refocuses his attention to getting one of the four keys into any of the seven lock holes.

It takes too many times to count, but with two hands and great determination, Julian manages to get the door unlocked.

He pushes it open before grabbing ahold of Eddie and pushing him through. The other blonde makes it a few steps before collapsing on the floor inside the apartment.

Julian gets through, closes and relocks the door automatically, then shuffles off towards his bed.

He doesn't make it there.

　

\---

　

The world is not a happy place when Julian wakes up.

Everything is too much. Too bright, too loud, too painful.

He winces at the pounding in his head, then grimaces at the awful taste in his mouth.

When he lifts his too heavy head off the too small pillow cushioning it, something slides off his back.

Blinking away the blurs, he follows the direction whatever it was went and finds a man lying on the floor below him.

Adrenaline sends Julian up, onto his feet and away from the body.

His head wasn't ready for such a dramatic change, though, and it spins, sending him onto his backside as his breath catches in his throat.

The stranger on the floor groans, his arm twisted behind his back (the thing that must have been on Julian), moving to his front to roll him over.

"What happened?" the body asks and Julian swallows down his initial panic.

"I'd very much like to know that myself," the Brit says as he rises, much more slowly, to his feet. He shuffles around the couch he fell asleep on to head towards the bathroom where he kept all his pain medications. Maybe after he took something, he'd be able to think properly.

The man on the floor grumbles something unintelligent as he remains in his spot.

Julian gets to the bathroom and quickly locks himself in. He splashes water in his face, then drinks as much as he can stomach. After that, he pats his face dry and finds some pills to take. He takes some more water to wash the meds down with, then steadies himself against the sink as he lets reality sink in.

He was home, that much was obvious. There was a strange man on the floor, also obvious. But they were both dressed so nothing...'like that' had happened.

Julian looks at his reflection and scowls at it. His eyes were bloodshot and black circles were beginning to form under them. He needed sleep. A lot of it.

But first, he had to figure out who the strange man in his house was.

Steeping out of the bathroom, Julian finds the man in the same position he was in when he left him.

"Who are you?" he demands in a clipped tone. "And why are you in my house?"

There's a sudden spike of fear that Savitar had taken control again, brought the stranger to his house, but there was no reasoning for it, so Julian is able to dismiss it as quickly as it came.

"M'name's Eddie," the man grumbles, rolling over. "Owe."

Pity overtakes suspicion, so Julian heads to his kitchen as he says, "I'll make us a pot of coffee."

"Wouldn't you rather tea?" Eddie remarks, still lying on the floor. "Hey!" he suddenly sits up, then groans as he puts a hand to his head. "Too fast."

"Take is easy, Eddie," Julian admonishes him as he stets up the coffee in the machine. "There's some pain medication in the bathroom. It will help."

"Thanks," Eddie turns enough to smile in the other blonde's direction. After heaving a heavy breath, he uses the couch to help himself to his feet. Fully standing. he sways and Julian starts to walk back towards him to help, but Eddie manages to find his footing and gets to the bathroom without help.

Julian had two cups of black coffee ready by the time the other man comes back out.

"I am so, so sorry," Eddie says as he shuffles his feet to stand just outside the kitchen. "I have...No idea how I got here. I think- No, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not usually this careless."

"Neither am I," Julian returns, handing the other man the second cup of coffee as he takes a sip of his own. It's horrid and too hot, but he knows it'll help clear his mind so he forces himself to drink it.

After a few sips and awkward glances, Julian tries to gather his wits about him again.

"What do you remember from last night?" he asks, even as he tries to remember himself.

"I went to a bar," Eddie starts, his head lowering ot stare into the black liquid in his cup. "I saw this ho-You," he clears his throat. "I saw you. I remember thinking 'he looks how I feel' and I thought you could use-or at least not hate to have-some company. But..." he shrugs, then takes a gulp of coffee. Quietly, he finishes, "I don't remember much after the first beer."

"I think I recall the bar, yes," Julian nods slowly as some of his mind clears. "I believe you lost your coat and phone."

"Oh, no, yeah!" Eddie puts his cup down to pat himself over. He finds his wallet and some spare change, but nothing else in his pockets. He sighs out a curse as he leans against the wall. "I was just getting used to that thing."

"Perhaps we can retrace our steps?" Julian offers, reaching into his own pockets for his phone. "I think we took a cab here but..." Instead of one phone, he finds two. The second phone's screen was still holding onto the screen of a number being placed into it and it takes two seconds too long for Julian to realize it's his own number.

"Is that my phone?" Eddie asks hopefully.

"Don't know why it's in my possession," Julian answers with a nod as he finishes typing in the last digit before handing the device to its owner. "Apparently, you were asking for my number and I suppose I kept it by mistake."

"I'm just glad it isn't lost forever," Eddie smiles, taking the phone with two hands. He types in a few things, then pockets it. "There. Now you're in here properly. I hope I spelt your name right, Julian."

"You remembered my name," Julian realizes in surprise.

Eddie smiles, his cheeks pinking, "You're not a forgettable person."

Julian looks away at the compliment, using the remaining liquid in his cup as a distraction from the other man.

"Crap. No. I did it again, didn't I? Am I making you uncomfortable? I should go." Eddie's words are hurried and slightly scared. He walks as he talks, moving from the kitchen to find the front door quickly.

"Eddie, wait!" Julian calls after him, abandoning his cup to meet the other man in the living room.

Eddie stops, turns back with wide eyes and an open expression of curiosity as he looks back to the other blonde.

"You haven't offended me," the Brit explains. He clears his throat of a sudden blockage as his face heats up. "Your....Compliments are...Appreciated."

"But your not interested," the other blonde states simply. He smiles sadly as he looks down away. "Which is fine! I mean, we just met. I'm being ridiculous. I'm sorry. Here I am, in your debt, and I'm talking like some sort of slighted liver-lover. Why would I say liver? Stupid."

"Don't call yourself that, mate," Julian says with a little order to his tone. His guest looks up at him for it and nods like a rebuked child. Face ever-growing in heat intensity, he adds, "And I never said I wasn't interested."

Eddie's eyes shine with hope as he smiles brightly again.

"Really? I mean-Really?" he asks. "Because I'm not very good at dating. I'm terrible, actually. And now I sound like I'm trying to talk you out of it. Can we start over?"

At Julian's nod, Eddie clears his throat dramatically before extending a hand.

"Hello, my name is Edward Cosnett. Please, call me Eddie."

"Pleasure to meet you, Eddie," Julian smiles as he shakes the other man's hand. "My name is Julian Albert. Please, call me Julian."

Still holding onto the other man's hand, Eddie asks, "Julian, would you be interested in going on a date with me later this evening?"

"I'd like that very much," Julian answers, smile widening. "You'll have to message me with the details, since I don't have your number."

"Great," Eddie returns, not relinquishing the other blonde's hand yet. "When can I pick you up?"

"I'm free after seven," Julian answers. He looks pointedly down at their hands. "You think you can let me go now, Eddie?"

Sputtering unintelligent words, Eddie does so, moving the hand to the back of his neck as he blushes and laughs softly at himself.

"I'll call you," Eddie promises, then leaves the apartment.

Julian waves the other man off at the door, then leans against it as reality sets in.

'I just made a date with a complete stranger I brought home from a bar....I may have officially lost my mind....'

　

\- - -

　

Julian gets to work late, but Barry is not in the building and he quickly makes up for lost time. He charges his phone while he works, a thrum of excitement empowering him through the motions as a classical piece of music plays in the background of his mind.

"You're in a good mood today," Barry comments as he finally arrives at work.

"Oh, Barry, hello," Julian turns towards the brunette as he heads to his desk. "How are you feeling? The shoulder all mended now, is it?"

"Good as new," the speedster rotates the shoulder for extra assurance. He nods to the other man. "What are you working on that's got you humming?"

"Humming?" Julian repeats, confused. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You were humming when I walked into the room," Barry explains. "I don't think I've ever heard you hum before. Definitely not in the lab."

"Must have been stuck in my head and happened subconsciously," the blonde dismisses, turning back to his work.

"Wait, did you and Caitlin meet up last night or something?" the brunette presses with a teasing tone.

Julian's smile falters and he says crisply, "Dr. Snow and I no longer have any interests concerning each other beyond professional ones."

"Oh, uh, sorry, Julian, I didn't mean-"

"Yes, well," the blonde interrupts the hero tightly. "Maybe you should keep your nose out of others affairs, Barry. We all know how things end up when you try to 'fix' things."

It's mean spirited, harsh, and not how Julian wanted to act around the other man.

But none of it was untrue, so he had a hard time not feeling justified by the comment.

　

Barry remains silent for the rest of the day, still 'speeding out' to be a hero every now and then.

　

During his lunch hour, Julian gets several texts from an unknown number.

'Please meet me at _Rendezvous_ (the restaurant) at eight. Wear a suit, but not too fancy.'

'P.S. This is Eddie.'

'Edward Cosnett.'

'From earlier today.'

'And yesterday too.'

'I'm going to stop texting now. Sorry.'

'P.P.S. Here is the address: ***'

Julian muffles a laugh at the quick succession of the texts and can practically hear Eddie sputtering to catch up to himself. He sends back a positive text to let the man know he got the messages and that he'd be there.

'Oh good' Eddie texts back, with several emoticons.

Julian rolls his eyes at a grown man being so childish, then returns to work so he can be done on time.

　

Julian actually beats Barry to the door at the end of the day. The brunette doesn't comment as he watches the blonde go, a bit of a hurry to his step.

　

\- - -

　

Standing outside the restaurant, Julian readjusts his tie and vest. He had gone with a plain white shirt, silver tie, dark blue vest and matching suit. He had wondered if it was a tad too much blue, or boring, but it was the nicest 'not too nice' thing he owned.

He's almost convinced himself out of it, a few half-truth stored up to tell his date, when Eddie walks out of the restaurant and lays eyes on him.

"Wow," Eddie's face breaks out into a bright smile. "You look great!"

"Thanks," Julian returns. "As do you."

Eddie looks down to his light blue shirt, dark blue tie, and vest-less silver suit as if he had forgotten what he was wearing.

"Nah, this is nothing," he shakes it head, then offers the crook of his arm to the other man. "Shall we?"

"Uh...I don't uhm..." Julian nervously clears his throat, unable to come up with a polite way to tell the other man he wasn't interested in being a spectacle.

"Oh-Oh! Right. No it's okay," Eddie flops the arm down and instead goes for the door to open it. "You first, Julian."

Julian walks through just enough to be out of the way, then waits for the other man to follow him in.

Eddie speaks to the man at the small pulpit who leads them to a secluded table in the back, but not near the kitchen or bathrooms.

Both men take their seats, and Julian is secretly grateful that Eddie didn't try to pull out his chair for him.

After writing down their drink orders, the waiter hands over the menus and leaves the men to head to the kitchen.

"I'm really glad you came," Eddie says happily over his menu. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."

"It's the accent, I'm sure," Julian deflects, almost hiding behind his own menu. "Did you find your coat, then?"

"Yes! I did, thank you," the other man nods, eyes darting from the menu to his date several times. He eventually drops all pretense of reading the words as he lowers the small book to look at the other man. "Julian, you don't feel compelled to be here, right? We didn't _do_ anything. I owe you, but you don't owe me anything."

"I am here of my own free will and because I _want_ to be here," Julian says with a touch of pride. After all the brainwashing, being in control felt more and more like a privilege.

What a messed up world he was living in.

"Good, great even," Eddie leans back in his chair, relieved. "I keep thinking, 'why would a guy like that be interested in a guy like me?'. I couldn't think of a good reason, so I wanted to make sure that you weren't...I don't know...Feeling pity for me or something."

'Have I attracted the attentions of a self-loathing puppy?' Julian thinks to himself as he lowers the menu to lock eyes with the other man.

"Eddie," he says seriously. "If you want to make it in this world, you've got to have more confidence in yourself. The first place to look for assurance is inside."

"I thought I was a big shot once," the other blonde returns, looking down. "Turned out, I wasn't so great after all."

The words remind Julian of the first time he learn of Meta-Humans how they changed his career life upside down by merely existing.

"If I stayed down every time someone pushed me, I'd never get anywhere," Julian tells him. "Life's hard. You either get used to it, or get trampled by others."

"Are you a life coach?" Eddie asks, looking back up with a small smile. "Because, you're really inspiring."

"I'm a crime scene investigator for the Central City Police Department," Julian proudly answers.

"Amazing," his date's eyes seem to shine at him. "Intelligent and handsome. I should have known."

The waiter arrives with their drinks and ask if they've decided on food yet.

"Uh, no, sorry," Eddie looks to the man. "Is there some sort of sampler appetizer we could get while we decide?"

"Yes, sir," the man nods, then walks away again.

"I suppose we should choose something before he comes back," Julian surmises, looking back to the menu.

"Yeah, I guess."

After choosing, Julian marks his meal with a finger and looks up to Eddie.

The other man diverts his eyes as he clears his throat, pretending to have not been staring the entire time.

"What do you do for a living, Eddie?" Julian asks as he pretends to have not noticed the staring.

"I was a criminologist," the man answers. "But, I've recently changed careers. I'm studying myths and legends to become a teacher."

"As in Greek mythology?" Julian asks.

"Mostly, I suppose," Eddie shrugs, "But I'm not adverse to learning different kinds of myths. Egyptian, Polynesian, Hindu, Mexican. The stories and tales that affect people's lives fascinate me."

"Just be careful what you dig up," Julian warns quietly, inwardly flinching at the memory of finding Savitar's box.

"Are you okay?" Eddie asks as his hand reaches out to graze its fingers over the back of his date's hand. "You suddenly look a little pale."

"I'm fine," Julian assures him with a bit of forced cheer. "Why did you decide to leave criminology; if you don't mind me asking."

"I started criminology to help people; to make a difference," Eddie answers as he pulls back his hand. "Someone pointed out to me that I would never make enough change, so I thought I'd try something else."

The waiter arrives again at that moment and the two men make their orders. The appetizer comes right afterwards and a few moments of eating and commenting on the food is spent between the two.

Julian can't explain it, but he feels at ease, comfortable, around Eddie. The man gives off this...cheerful attitude that he's been craving since the day his sister died.

He had thought he'd be able to find it again after joining Barry's team but...

No. He refuses to think about that. He's here, now, with another person who doesn't know about all the terrible things he's done.

Julian decides to enjoy his night as best he can.

　

Conversation goes to common ground of likes, weather, school experiences, and a random incident at Eddie's old job where he punched the wrong man.

They've long finished their meals and the wait staff is starting to eye them in the polite way of 'please leave' so Eddie gets up first (having paid a while ago as well) and offers Julian a hand to help him up.

Without thinking about it, Julian takes the hand and allows the other man to walk him out of the restaurant.

"I had a...really good time," Julian says after they've stepping outside and into the night air. Their joined hands are a warm welcome to the bitter wind that had picked up and Julian finds himself huddling slightly closer to the additional warmth standing beside him.

"Me too," Eddie smiles in that hopeful cheery way that was beginning to make Julian's heart leap in his chest. "Do you think you'd be interested in a second date?"

Julian hesitates. Was it really right for him to drag an innocent stranger into his affairs? What if Savitar controlled him again and Eddie got hurt? What if Savitar went after Eddie as a strike to Barry through Julian....or a host of other things?

"Is being in my company such a bad thing?" Eddie jokes, but there's hurt in his voice and a defensiveness in his posture.

"You have not kept it hidden that you are fond of me," Julian says carefully. "It's because of such sudden devotion that I...I worry to tarnish any future relations with better people in the future for you."

Eddie reaches out with his free hand to cup Julian on the cheek. "If you want to make it in this world, you've got to have more confidence in yourself. Didn't you just teach me that?"

"Yes, but I'm not safe to be around," Julian tries again as warmth blooms out from the hand on his cheek to his entire body.

"I don't mind a little bit of danger," Eddie smiles softly. "Not as long as I get to be with you along the way."

"You don't even know me."

"That's why I want to take you out on another date."

"But-"

Eddie surges forwards to cover Julian's mouth with his own. At first, Julian is too surprised to do anything but stand there, stock-still and frozen in the moment. Then his eyes close and he pushes back against the kiss, opening his mouth slightly as he instigates movement that Eddie readily follows.

They keep the kiss short, they were still standing outside a restaurant late at night after all, but neither men regret it as they pull away from each other.

"Is that a yes for that date?" Eddie breathes out happily.

"Only if you kiss me again, you bloody lunatic," Julian returns, ashamed of himself for it and not caring a toss at the same time.

Eddie obliges with the kiss. It last twice as long as their first and leaves an unspoken promise at the end.

"Can I walk you to your car?" Eddie asks as they catch their breath.

"I suppose so, yeah," Julian nods, his forehead rubbing against the other man's.

With hands still held together, the couple walk away from the restaurant...

　

\---

　

Julian focuses more on his work at the CCPD and less on Team Flash. He still felt used by them and figured a little space was in order. Caitlin keeps him apprised of anything serious while maintaining a professionalism that he appreciates.

As Julian keeps his newest team at arm's length, he and Eddie become closer.

They're not _official_ boyfriends or anything as juvenile as that, but there is far more to them than casual friendship to say the least.

　

Almost a week into their relationship, the couple meet up again at Julian's place for a home cooked meal.

"So..." Eddie starts as he watches the other man cut vegetables. "How long have you been in Central City? Do you like it?"

"A little over a year. It certainly has it's...charms," Julian keeps his back to the other man to hide his grimace. Running away from one problem only brought him to another.

"I'm just glad it didn't have too many charming people to steal my chance to meet you," Eddie adds with a grin.

"Are your compliments ever going to end?" Julian asks sarcastically, turning away from his work to level a serious look to the other man.

"I don't see why they should," Eddie answers.

Huffing a laugh, Julian turns back to his oven to add the chopped vegetables.

"What about you?" he asks. "What brought you back to Central? Better yet, what sent you away? Your job change?"

"I wish," Eddie sighs out.

He's silent for a long time and Julian turns back with a frown, concerned about him. Staring at his hands, Eddie slowly continues, "I lost the last person I loved to another man. It killed me. Afterwards, I was sucked into a vortex and I couldn't get out of it for a while."

Julian's frown deepens, "That sounds terrible. I'm so sorry, Eddie."

"Yeah, well..." Eddie shrugs. "At least it gave me time to find you." He looks up with a smile that negates the sadness in his eyes. "If I had broken free sooner, I might not have met you. Personally, I think dying is an easier concept to deal with."

Julian lowers his head to hide his blush; his heart fluttering in his chest painfully. He didn't think himself worthy of such sudden devotion. What Eddie saw in him...he had no idea what it was. Oppositely, Eddie was a kind soul who cared too much. He had an addictive energy about him that Julian craved like a man starved.

"Is the food suppose to smoke that much?" Eddie asks, and it brings Julian's world crashing down to the present as he turns with a curse to save his dinner.

　

Eddie sets the table while Julian plates and it feels so domestic the two purposely find ways to 'accidentally' bump into each other.

It's after Eddie has finished with the silverware and Julian had gone back to the stove to double check that everything was turned off, that the one blonde wraps his arms around the other.

Julian stiffens as the arms wrap around his middle; a solid presence suddenly fully pressed against his back. He pulls his hand away from the oven dial as his body feels pulled backwards as if it were being affected by a magnet.

"Ou-" the words are a little high, so Julian clears his throat to try again. "Our food will get cold, Eddie."

"Don't feel hungry," the other blonde says, lips brushing against the exposed skin above Julian's shirt collar.

"Ah-I am!" Julian tries again, even though his head is tilting away to give the other man better access.

"We can warm it up," Eddie deflects, his hands moving up and over the buttons on the front of Julian's shirt. "Watching you cook has done _things_ to me, Julian."

Eddie presses his hips harder against the other blonde to reveal exactly _what_ he meant. Julian gasps as he feels the other man's excitement; his hands flail a little until they find purchase on Eddie's wrists to pull them away from where they had gotten to his tie.

"I...I...I..." Julian breathes through a heaving chest, his own excitement warring within himself to be brought out.

"It's okay," Eddie says comfortingly as he allows his hands to be trapped by the other man. "We can eat instead. I'm sorry."

Eddie gently pulls back and away from Julian. As Eddie's wrists slide free from Julian's hands, the CSI spins in the other man's arms to grab him by his blazer.

"You waited until I had completely finished to do this to me," Julian accuses lightly, his body trembling minutely as he holds the other man close.

"Yeah...Probably should have made my move sooner," Eddie grins.

"You'll just have to make it up to me," Julian declares, then pulls the other man in for a kiss.

Eddie instantly kisses back, his hands going to Julian's back to hold him steady as their mouths explore each other.

"Bedroom?" Eddie somehow asks in between kisses.

"Sod off, I'll take you against the counter," Julian growls.

Eddie smiles into the kiss, then pulls away from the other's mouth to get at his jaw.

"You'll...Take...Me?" he asks as he moves down to the other man's ear to give it a soft bite.

Julian makes a strangled noise as he grips the other man tightly.

"You owe me, remember?" he growls out.

Eddie breathes out with a laugh, the arm air tingling the skin of the other blonde.

"That I do," he murmurs lowly.

　

\---

　

At a crime scene, Barry struggles to pay attention or do his job and Joe has to drag the young man away so Julian can get it done properly.

Back in the CCPD crime lab, Julian notices the behavior worsening and decides to address the other man about it.

"What's wrong, Barry?" he asks, crossing his arms as he turns to the brunette.

Barry continues to stare at his pen that was supposed to be writing out a report.

Julian stands up, walks directly towards the other man's desk, picks up a stray notebook and drops it on top of the work that wasn't getting done.

"What? Julian!" Barry blinks out of his head to glare up at the blonde. "What are you doing? What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me?" Julian repeats with a huff. "Your head has been lost to this world, Barry. You were useless at the crime scene today. I just asked you what was the matter and you ignored me. So why don't you come back to earth and tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing," the brunette clearly lies, looking away.

"I'm far from an idiot, Barry," Julian tells him. "Does this have to do you with you and Iris? The two of you break up to see if that would stop Savitar? Is that it?"

Barry leans back in his chair to put his hands in his lap and stare at his fingers.

He doesn't answer the question and that angers Julian.

"You know what? Fine," Julian returns to the work _they_ were supposed to be doing. "I understand my place in your little world, Barry. I'm the one to cover for you at the CCPD and I'm the one you use when you want to talk to Savitar."

"No!" Barry instantly denies, getting to his feet as he looks to the blonde. "Julian, that's not why I asked for you to be on my team. You're a great scientist and you've been a great help."

"Other than being a human puppet, how have I _helped_ you, Barry?" Julian questions, turning back again to glare at the man.

"You stopped Caitlin from turning into Killer Frost," the brunette points out. "And you've always helped out with Meta Humans."

"That's my job, regardless of where I do it," the blonde counters. "Face it, Barry. You either asked me out of pity, or to keep an eye on me in case I was controlled again. The latter was one of the reasons I joined and part of why I haven't returned."

"Julian, I'm sorry that I asked you to do what I did," Barry says soberly, rounding his desk to be more at face with the other man. "You allowed that monster back into your head and I didn't even thank you for that. I'm sorry. I've been a terrible friend."

"Yes, you have," Julian agrees, looking away. He takes a in a deep breath and lets it out slow. "Though...I can't imagine me not asking the same of you, if our roles were reversed."

"Does that mean you're staying on the team?" Barry asks quietly.

"That depends," the blonde looks back to the brunette. "Are you going to answer my questions?"

Shoulders lowering, Barry lets out a tired sigh.

"We're taking a break...from each other..." he shrugs, hand moving to his front pockets. "It's for the best."

Julian feels pity for the man, especially for what he's about to say.

"You still love her nonetheless. So I really doubt it will matter to Savitar whether you're actually together or not."

Looking down, Barry nods in agreement.

"Barring mind manipulation," Julian makes a point of saying. "I am here for you."

"Thanks, Julian," Barry smiles.

　

\---

　

After the coma incident with the people from Earth-38, another person is turned into their Flashpoint Meta self. Phil LaMarr has static electricity powers that he uses in an attempt to take down the corrupt company that shut down his father's community center in order to plough it down for a parking lot.

His powers give him the ability to create a static electric field that affects his surroundings for blocks and slows down The Flash enough to be hit.

　

As soon as Julian heard about the new Meta he tried to remember if he had blacked out. He can't, which is not as calming as he thought it would be. He gets a few texts from Caitlin asking him to come into S.T.A.R. Labs and he assures her he's on his way.

First, though, he calls Eddie to meet him at his apartment.

Julian paces his living room as he waits for the other blonde, his hands twisting together as he tries to think of something convincing to say.

The door thunders with several knocks and Julian rushes to open the door.

"What's the matter?" Eddie asks as a greeting, stepping into the room without a fight as Julian grabs his arm and pulls him in. "Julian, what's the wrong? Are you in trouble? Your text sounded urgent."

"I have to leave for a little while," Julian says, trying to keep the fear spiking in his heart out of his voice. "I might be gone for a while and I didn't want to tell you over the phone. I didn't want you to worry."

"Sorry, but you failed," Eddie frowns. "Where are you going? You don't look or sound like this is a choice, Julian. Has someone threatened you?"

"No one has directly threatened me," Julian deflects from the truth that he felt threatened as long as Savitar existed. "It's a CSI thing. A specific study in my field of work. I shouldn't be gone more than a week or two."

"That's quite the in-depth study," Eddie keeps on frowning, not looking a tiny bit convinced. "Julian, please, don't lie to me. You can tell me what's going on. I care about you! Please, let me help you!" His voice has risen to almost desperation and Julian's guilt grows as he tries to think of a better lie to tell the man.

'Perhaps a smaller truth would be better?' Julian thinks.

"I can't tell you, in order to protect you," he explains seriously. "I had told you that I wasn't safe to be around. This is a part of that."

Julian can't stand to look at the pleading eyes of the other man, so he decides to leave and go to the Team instead. Eddie grabs his arm loosely as he tries to pass him and he looks to him, fear mixed with curiosity.

"I have feelings for you, Julian," he confesses seriously. "Real feelings. Feelings that I haven't felt in a while. I cherish those feelings and I certainly love the man who gives them to me."

 _Love_ , Julian blinks in surprise at the other man, his heart skipping a beat as it becomes harder to breathe.

"This isn't the end," he says softly, putting his hand over the other man's. "I promise."

"I guess I'll have to take you at your word," Eddie smirks. He quickly pulls Julian in for a deep kiss, making the other blonde melt in his arms as he grips him tightly.

Letting go, Eddie adds, "One day, we'll have to tell each other everything."

"One day," Julian agrees. He forces his legs to carry him away from the other man and out the door. His phone rings out with another message and he hurries to reply to Caitlin's worry as he rushes to his car.

　

\- - -

　

The Team use water against the Meta at his third attack.

After 'Static' is locked up, the team worriedly look amongst each other.

The reason for the uneasiness was the blonde in the room who may, or may not, be controlled by the supervillain of the year.

"What now then?" Julian prompts them. "Do you all think I had a part in this? Hm? Have I taken up my subconscious role as Alchemy again?"

"We know Savitar uses the stone to give people their powers from Flashpoint," Barry starts.

"So, it goes to reason that he wouldn't need Julian to do that," Caitlin adds.

"He could be using any one of his followers," Cisco agrees.

"But you're not sure," Julian says what they're not saying.

"After the first time, or the times after, it would probably be easier," H.R. remarks, stick spinning in his hand.

Cisco turns a glare to the man, "Not. Helping."

"Right, of course not. But what if he had a thingy like Caity has?" the 'idea man' points his stick to Caitlin. "You know, the anti-frost devices."

"That...might work..." Caitlin muses, her face unsure.

"The cuffs dampen your powers which are connected to Killer Frost," Cisco counters. "There are no powers in Julian affecting his mind."

"What if you identified which part of Julian's brain that is affected by Savitar and create something that blocks a change to that area?" Barry asks.

"Sure, and why don't I cure cancer while I'm at it?" the engineer quips. "Listen, brain chemistry isn't something you can mess with. I can't go around creating blockers. I might make a monster by accident. Sorry," he winces when he sees Julian flinch at the word 'monster'. "That came out wrong."

"For once, not by me," H.R. remarks quietly.

"What would you have me do, then?" Julian prompts them again. "Stay locked up in the pipe line? What would we tell Captain Singh?"

"No, that wouldn't be fair to you," Caitlin turns the idea down.

"I won't allow Savitar to turn you into a greater prisoner than he already has," Barry vows.

"That's very kind of you, Barry, but you can't really control that now can you?" Julian reminds him.

The brunette looks away, a hand going to the back of his neck as he sighs out a breath.

"Perhaps a leave of absence is in order," Julian decides. "The only vacation I've taken was to London a few weeks ago. I can take another, I suppose."

"Julian, you can't spend an unknown number of days locked up in a box," Iris says seriously. "There's no evidence pointing to Alchemy even being a part of this. We have no reason to suspect you to be under Savitar's control, so why don't you just go home?"

"Iris is right," Caitlin agrees. "You should go home and rest. We'll check on you from time to time, if you want."

"Maybe set up a call-in system," Cisco muses.

"Right," H.R. lifts a stick. "Because Savitar can't change his voice. It always sounds the same."

"Well then," Julian straightens his shoulders. He had thought the team's first choice in action would be to contain him. Hearing their hesitance and refusal of such an action gave him hope. "I'll be off then. See you all later."

The others say their goodbyes as the blonde leaves.

　

When Julian gets home, Eddie is asleep on his couch. He blinks at the other man, not sure whether to rouse him or let him remain as he was.

Eddie makes the decision for him when he yawns into the waking world.

"Hey," he grins as he sits up on the couch. "You're back."

"Have you been waiting here this entire time?" Julian asks, stuck where he had stopped when he saw the other man.

"I didn't want to miss you when you came back," Eddie shrugs. "It was hard enough to let you walk out that front door."

Stepping closer, Julian wonders aloud, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Kiss me, I hope," Eddie remarks, reaching out to take Julian by the hand and ease him into his lap.

"Wait," Julian stops himself from leaning in with a hand to the other blonde's chest. "There's something you should know. Something that will be difficult to understand, but I feel as though I owe it to you to say it."

"It can wait till morning," Eddie tells him, taking the hand on his chest to kiss it at the wrist. It sends shivers down Julian's spine but he perseveres.

"I'm serious, Eddie," he remarks without as much strength as he wanted.

"As am I," the other blonde returns. He nuzzles the captured wrist before kissing it again. "Whatever it is can wait until morning. Life's too short to put things off. I should know."

"What does that mean?" Julian asks, trying to keep his mind sharp as his body fights with him to give in to the other man.

Eddie smiles against the skin of the wrist as he looks up at Julian.

"Let me take you to bed tonight and I'll tell you in the morning."

'Savitar could take control of me any time he wishes.' Julian thinks, but then Eddie reaches up with his other hand to wrap his fingers around the back of the neck to pull him in and he decides to give up. 'This might be my last chance with Eddie.'

"Alright," Julian relents, then his mouth is busied with other things...

　

\---

　

The next day, Julian dresses casually before going to the kitchen to start on breakfast.

As he's grabbing the eggs out of the fridge, there's a knock on his front door and he moves to see who it is.

Barry is on the other side and the blonde quickly opens the door to greet his friend.

"Morning, Barry," Julian greets. "Is there something the matter?"

"No, not really," the brunette shakes his head. "I just felt...off. About yesterday. I didn't like the way we left things. Or something. Well," he sighs as he shakes hsi head again. "I guess I just wanted to check on you. See if there was anything I could do?"

"I'm not ill, Barry," Julian points out.

"Yeah, but I'm the reason for everything bad that's happened to you and I wanted to make sure," Barry shrugs, "I don't know. That there wasn't anything I could do to make it better. Do you want me to talk to Singh for you? Because I could totally do that."

"That's awfully kind of you, thanks," the blonde smiles. "But I think I can manage a walk to the precinct and back. Unless, you think that's unwise?"

"I doubt Savitar would think the local police as a threat," the speedster shakes his head. "He also tends to keep his dark intentions to the night hours, so..."

"Well, if that's all," Julian says, moving away to close the door. "I have company that I'd very much like to get back to."

"Oh? You do? Is that-Is that a good idea?" Barry says nervously. "Is it...wise?"

"What would you know about wisdom, Barry?" Eddie says from behind. Julian steps back and looks to the other blonde as he angrily adds, "You can't help yourself. You just have to bother the people that I love."

When Julian looks back to Barry to see the other blonde, he's confused by the look of shock on the speedster's face.

"Eddie?" Barry's eyes widen in amazement as he gapes at the man. "Wha-How is it possible?"

Instead of answering, Eddie puts all his focus on Julian. "Do you want to have this here? Or at S.T.A.R. Labs with an audience?"

"How do you know who The Flash is?" Julian asks, voice lost.

"My name wasn't always Cosnett," Eddie explains. "It used to be Thawne. I was a police detective for the CCPD. Before I killed myself."

"But...I-I can touch you!" Julian sputters out the obvious as his world begins to crumble around him. "None of this makes sense. How-Does this have to do with Flashpoint?" The last question is directed to the speedster who was still staring at Eddie as if he were unsure of what he was seeing.

Barry shakes his head, his shoulders rising slowly in a shrug.

"Julian, please," Eddie steps closer, his fingers reaching out to grab hold of the other blonde's hand. "Let me explain."

"Of course you're going to explain things, Eddie!" Julian snaps, but he doesn't pull his hand out of the other man's.

"Not in the hallway for anyone to listen in on us though," Eddie stipulates, pulling on Julian's hand to bring him back into the apartment.

Julian allows himself to be drawn back into his apartment and placed on the couch beside Eddie. Barry follows after them, closing the door behind himself before moving to stand on the other side of the coffee table that was in front of the two blondes.

'Thawne. Thawne. Thawne.' Julian wracks his brain for the name Thawne, but it's traitorously blank.

"Once upon a time," Eddie starts with a small smile that quickly turns sour. "I lived in Central City and worked as a police detective. I was Joe's partner and then I dated Iris. Eventually, I was brought in on Barry's secret. Then, on the day I proposed to Iris, I found out I was the ancestor of the The Reverse Flash, whose name was Eobard Thawne."

Eddie pauses for just a moment, lets the first batch of information to sink into the blues of Julian's eyes, then continues on.

"Eobard wanted Barry to send him back to his time, to the future. When Barry decided not to, he tried to kill him." Eddie scoots closer, his hands holding onto Julian's. "I killed myself in order to save a man I considered my friend at the time," he says sadly. "I was trying to be a hero."

Cold, hard eyes turn to the speedster, "When I got back to Central, I realized my sacrifice was for nothing."

"Back to Central," Barry repeats. "Eddie, where have you been? How did you come back with all your memories intact?"

"I don't know what happened to me after I died," Eddie answers the brunette, then looks back to Julian. "I woke up in a foreign city; no idea where I was or what happened to the people I cared about. A man had found me, helped me get back on my feet. It took a while, but I eventually made it back here. To a city I did and didn't recognize." He looks to Barry again. "I knew it was different. They were subtle but, to me, they stuck out clearly. I kept to the background until I could figure out what had happened, until I could find Iris and make sure she was okay."

Julian doesn't understand. His entire body is numb. It was too much, too soon, with too little answers to the questions that spun in his dizzying head.

"Why didn't you come to us?" Barry asks. Julian, for no reason he can name, hates him for still being there. "Why didn't you tell us you were alive?"

"So that you could shove your victory in my face?" Eddie returns angrily. "I always knew you were going to steal Iris away from me, Barry. No matter how hard she tried to deny it, I knew in her heart she would never love me as much as she loved you." He suddenly rises to his feet, dropping Julian's hands to stand in front of him protectively. "You can't take Julian away from me too. I won't allow it! Your selfishness has destroyed enough lives!"

"How do you know what's going on?" Julian asks, voice low as he looks up at the other blonde. "How is anything you've said possible?"

"I saw them," Eddie answers sadly then turns back to Julian. "Barry and Iris. They looked so happy. I didn't want to change that. I thought I would start anew. Starting with a slightly different name."

"Did you know about me?" Julian presses, voice still achingly low. "Is that why you approached me in the bar that night?"

"I was going to leave." Eddie kneels in front of Julian. "I was going to get out of this city and never look back. I decided to celebrate my separation from an old life with a drink...and you were there." He takes Julian's hands in his yet again. "I met someone special and couldn't get myself to go."

"Eddie, I'm-I-" Barry fails to come up with a complete sentence, guilt warring with shock taking over his face.

"Julian, please," Eddie leans closer, his fingers tightening on the other blonde's hands where he was holding onto him. "Do me a favor and stay far, far away from Barry Allen. He might not look like much, he might even try to be your friend, but he's selfish and the people around him always get hurt."

"I was being controlled by a Meta Human named Savitar," Julian suddenly confesses. "He made me do...terrible things. Things I can never make up for. Barry and his team stopped me. I owe them for that."

"And from then on, he hasn't forced you into doing something for him in exchange?" Eddie asks in disbelief. "Barry always uses the people around him. It's what he does."

"This is too much," Julian says, pulling his hands out of the other man's and getting to his feet. "I have to go. Savitar could be controlling me again. I need to be put away. In the pipe line. It's for the best."

"How is locking up a victim ever a good idea?" Eddie argues, rising after the other man. " _You_ need to be protected, Julian. Let me do that for you."

"You can't," Julian points out, taking a small step away. "You don't have any powers to fight speed demons."

"I do," Eddie smiles, reaching into his coat. He pulls out a shining stone and Julian's heartrate spikes dangerously. "This was found with me. At first I just thought it was a fancy rock, but then it spoke to me."

"The Philosopher's Stone," Barry breathes out. "Eddie...You?"

"I'm faster than Barry could ever hope to be," Eddie states proudly. "I've been throughout this city thousands of times without him even realizing it."

"It's you." Julian's throat tightens as he begins to shake. "You're Savitar. You were only using me."

"What? No!" Eddie frowns as the other blonde shakily steps away from him. "Julian-" he reaches out for him but the Brit smacks his hand away.

"Stay back!" Julian shouts, his body shaking harder. He takes another step away and trips on the couch; he falls onto his back and scrambles to the wall.

In a blink, Barry is in front of Julian, staring down Eddie as he raises his hands.

"You need to give that stone to me, Eddie," Barry says seriously, moving one hand to take the object.

"No!" Eddie barks, and his voice lowers dangerously to something that sounds menacingly familiar. He points an accusing finger to the brunette. "You took everything from me! My fiancé, my life, my future! Everything!"

Julian wraps his hands around his head as Eddie's voice becomes more and more like Savitar's.

This wasn't happening. It can't be happening. Eddie was NOT Savitar. This was nothing more than a nightmare. He'd wake up any second now, lying in bed beside the other blonde that said he loved him. He'd be warm, protected, loved.

Why can't he wake up?!

"I never asked you to give your life for me!" Barry shouts back, trying to startle the other man back into reason. "Please, Eddie," he says softer. "You don't know what it is you have in your hand. It's corrupting you. You have to let me help-"

"Help?" Eddie laughs. "You only HELP yourself! When I got back, I looked into everyone's lives, Barry. Do you know what I found? LOSS!" he shouts out, making the men in front of him jump. "Cisco lost a brother, Caitlin lost control of her own body, several people lost what they should have had when they were turned into Metas. You said you couldn't save your mother because of all the people it would affect....I guess you changed your mind and did it anyway, right?"

"That stone in your hand," Barry points to the object. "It is going to turn you into the man who turns people from another Time Line into the Metas they would have been there. I don't know how or why, I just know that Savitar uses that same stone for his powers and you have it now."

"You're not fooling anyone," Eddie shakes his head. "You only want it for yourself. You want the powers; to make yourself stronger, faster, better than anyone else. You think that you're the great hero." He tightens his hold on the stone as it begins to glow. "You're no hero at all, Barry."

In a blast of blue lightning, Eddie disappears....and so does Julian.

Barry runs after them, but loses sight of the other speedster when they go into the subway and a train nearly hits him.

　

\---

　

Julian wakes without knowing when he fell asleep; a terrifying and increasing habit that he utterly loathes. The last thing he remembers is being in his living room with Eddie....A rush of memories hit him like a brick wall and he gasps as he sits up. Blinking away sleep, he takes in the bed under him and the unknown hotel room around him.

How had he gotten there? Did Savitar bring him there?

Savitar. Eddie IS Savitar.

He has to get out of there.

Julian gets off the bed too quickly and the world spins around him, forcing him to sit back down on the bed as he waits for it to stop. When was the last time he ate? Like everything recently in his life, he doesn't know.

The spinning stops and Julian runs for the door to make his escape.

Eddie is on the other side, key card in hand and bags of groceries in one arm.

"You're awake!" Eddie smiles. "I was hoping to get back before you did. How are you feeling?"

Julian steps back and away from the other blonde, his heart in his throat as he wonders how high up they were and if he could jump from the window.

"Julian?" Eddie frowns as he follows the other man into the room. He kicks the door closed then puts the bags on the bed so his hands are free. "It's okay, Julian. Everything will be fine. You don't have to worry."

"Not worry?" the Brit repeats incredulously. "I was controlled and manipulated by a monster! A monster I just found out is you!"

"That's just Barry playing with your mind," Eddie counters softly. "I love you, Julian. I'd never do anything to hurt you."

"Then it's that stone!" Julian seethes. He opens a palm to the other man. "If you truly love me, then you'll give it to me."

Without hesitation or another word, Eddie reaches into his pocket, pulls out the stone and puts it in Julian's hand.

The world falls away to a suffocating darkness. Julian tries to drop the stone, tries to snap himself out of wherever he is, but he can't. He's surrounded completely by an entity, yet there is no one there.

 _Julian_ a voice calls out to him as power surges through him.

He screams.

There's a spike of pain in his arm, then Julian is back to himself, in the hotel room with a concerned looking Eddie.

"Are you alright?" he asks softly, hands reaching out but not yet touching.

"We have to destroy that thing," Julian says, voice shaking. "Please, Eddie, you have to destroy it."

In one long step Eddie has Julian wrapped up in his arms. Julian trembles in the embrace, eyes closed to keep the tears at bay, feeling weak and pathetic. Eddie rubs a hand up and down Julian's back with one hand as the other supports the back of his head.

"It's going to be alright, Julian," Eddie comforts as he continues to rub the other man's back. "I'll get rid of it. Just breathe for me, okay?"

Julian takes in a shuddering breath and lets it out as evenly as he can, body pressed as close to Eddie as he can get it.

"I love you, Julian," Eddie confesses, hand stopping in the middle of the man's back. "You know that I would never do anything to hurt you, don't you?"

Opening his eyes, Julian pushes himself away enough to look the other man in the eyes. The blues are as sky bright as the first day he saw him. There's fear, worry, and love in those eyes. No malice. No deceit or trickery.

Julian falls apart in those eyes as he nods his head.

"I know," he whispers.

Eddie leans forwards to capture Julian's lips and both blondes close their eyes as they melt into the contact, their mouths working together almost desperately as they hold onto each other.

Julian turns their bodies towards the bed. He leans back onto it, pulls Eddie with him to lay him out on top of him. Eddie smiles as he eases himself down slowly, holds himself up enough not to suffocate the man below him.

　

The stone lays on the floor, an abandoned nightmare.

　

\---

　

Morning rays of sunlight creep through a part in the curtains to shine on Julian's face, waking the blonde from a dreamless sleep. He stiffens as he tries to remember where he is, how he got there. Arms surround him, holding him tightly and it all comes flowing back like a forgotten memory.

Gently, Julian eases Eddie's arm off and looks over the edge of the bed.

The stone sits on the ground appearing innocuous. It's dark as sin, no light from it at all. There aren't even any special engravings or odd cracks to it. It just looks like a stupid rock.

Julian continues to stare at the offensive object as he tries to think of all the ways to get rid of it. Would it be destroyed in a volcano? Would space be far enough to send it? An atomic bomb?

"Julian?" Eddie says softly as his hand reaches out to touch the man on the shoulder. "Are you okay?"

The Brit allows himself to be pulled away from the edge of the bed and onto his back as he turns his head to the other man in the bed.

"Morning," Eddie smiles. "How did you sleep?"

"Like there was a bomb in the room," Julian answers, though it wasn't entirely true. Being with Eddie still made him feel safe. He had to make sure the man never turned into the monster he knew as Savitar. "We need to take the stone to Barry and his team. They'll know how to get rid of it. Throw it into the Speed Force, perhaps."

"No," Eddie's smile falters. "I can't trust Barry with it. It has a pull, Julian. You must have felt it when you touched it. That much power...Barry will use it to change the past, yet again."

"What do you recommend, then?" Julian prompts. "Bury it for someone else to find? The Savitar I know is from the future. We need to get rid of it so that he never comes into being."

Eddie purses his lips together in thought.

"Alright," he reluctantly agrees. "But we keep it hidden until we hear them out. I don't want there to be any temptation. Once we have a plan, we bring it to them."

"Fine," Julian nods. "We'll have to get something to carry it in. No more touching it."

Eddie gets up and goes to the abandoned bags of groceries. He finds a box of crackers and takes the contents bag out to scoop the rock into the box itself.

"Better?" he smiles at Julian.

The Brit nods. "It'll be better once it's gone for good."

"Once we do," Eddie starts, putting the box in the window sill before sitting on the edge of the bed near the other blonde. "Will you come with me?"

"Go with you where?" Julian asks.

"Everywhere. Anywhere but Central City," Eddie leans closer. "All I want in life is to put my past behind me and to have you at my side. What do you say?"

"But...my job...the others," Julian tries, but he isn't even convincing himself.

"You're a brilliant scientist; you can find work anywhere you want," Eddie assures him. "The others will only put you in danger. Aren't you tired of looking over your shoulder? Of being afraid? Constantly in danger?"

"Yes," Julian whispers, heart picking up speed.

"Let me take you away from this place," Eddie begs. "Please."

Julian shifts closer to the other blonde.

"I love you, Eddie," he confesses, finally feeling the word after so much time in pain and darkness. It makes his heart lighter as he smiles. "Yes. After this, take me away. Anywhere you want to go. I don't care as long as I'm with you."

Smiling, Eddie leans forwards to kiss Julian deeply.

　

\- - -

　

After hiding the stone, the two blondes go to S.T.A.R. Labs.

Barry, Iris, Cisco, Caitlin, and H.R. are there, in the Cortex, and they immediately stop talking amongst themselves to stare at the couple.

"He really is alive," Iris breathes out, amazed as she smiles at Eddie.

"Hello, Iris," Eddie smiles back at her. "It's been a while."

Barry moves to stand protectively in front of his fiancé.

"Barry," Iris frowns. "What are you doing? It's just Eddie."

"Remember what I told you," Barry says seriously. "He has the stone. Eddie is Savitar."

"No he's not," Julian corrects. "The stone has power. It's almost like an entity of its own; only using people as a hosts after it's corrupted them. Eddie hasn't had it long enough for it to have changed him."

"It's just like Lord of the Rings," Cisco muses aloud.

"You mean The Ring Lords," H.R. counters.

"Whatever it is or however it works, it has to be gotten rid of," Barry says firmly.

"Why do you think we're here?" Eddie asks, his smile faltering. "What? Did you think I came in here to threaten you?"

At the speedster's pursed lips and unsure expression, Eddie huffs a disbelieving laugh.

"Barry Allen," the blonde shakes his head sadly. "So quick to judge and condemn others."

"I think the topic has gotten a little off track," Caitlin offers quietly.

"Yes," Iris agrees, stepping around Barry to be able to see Eddie again. "Where is the stone? If it has such powers, we need to keep it out of other people's hands."

"It's hidden somewhere safe," Eddie assures them. "Julian and I came here to ask you all about the best ways to destroy it."

"Give it to me and I'll take care of it," Barry says.

"That's not gonna happen," Eddie returns.

"Why not?" the speedster snaps.

"Because I don't trust you," the blonde bites back.

In a flash, Barry has checked over both blondes for the stone then separates Julian from Eddie, moving him to the other side of the room as he glares at his old friend.

"What are you doing?" Julian demands, moving to stand beside his lover again.

Barry grabs his arm, eyes still on Eddie.

"He could be controlling you," he explains. "He is Savitar after all."

"No one's controlling me!" Julian states, ripping his arm out of the other man's grip. "Eddie was right. We can't trust you. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Wait a minute now," Cisco starts as Caitlin pleads, "Julian!"

In another blast of speed, Barry takes Julian from the room and returns without him.

"Barry!" his friends scold him as Iris frowns.

"What did you do with Julian?" Eddie shouts at the speedster.

"I put him in the pipe line. Savitar could be using him to spy on us," Barry explains. "Hear me out," he tells everyone, hands raised to keep them at bay. He points to Eddie, "If he keeps the stone, then Savitar is eventually created. Once I have it, I'll get rid of it for good by putting it in the Speed Force."

"Let him go, Barry," Eddie warns the speedster, eyes narrowing.

"I will," the speedster promises. "Right after I save you from yourself."

"We tried hiding that thing in that place," H.R. points out. "Why keep repeating the same thing. Sounds like insanity to me."

"We put it there _after_ Savitar already existed," Barry adds. "If I put it there _before_ , then none of the things he did will happen, because he will never be there to do them."

"Space time manipulation," Cisco groans. "Headache from over-thinking."

"But what if Savitar is a real person and the stone is just a manifestation of his powers?" Caitlin asks.

"Then it'll be even better for it to be out of his reach," Barry answers. "Eddie, please," he begs. "Let me do this. As long as Savitar exists, he could use Julian. He could take over his mind and turn him against us. Let me help you protect him."

"Like you protected me? Or anyone else you pretend to care about?" Eddie asks angrily. "I came here for ideas, Barry. I never intended to hand over that stone."

"Hey," H.R. tries to awkwardly smile through the tension in the room. "If this really is The Ring Lords, then why not just drop the evil pebble into the deepest ocean? Huh? No one human could get it there."

"I'm not going to ask again, Eddie," Barry threatens as he steps closer to the blonde. "Savitar is going to kill Iris in a matter of weeks if I don't stop him. If I don't stop you from becoming him." He stops right in front of the other man. "You will hand over that stone."

"Barry," Iris starts but words fail her as she's shocked at the man's behavior.

"Or what?" Eddie prompts as he stands strong against the brunette.

"Or Julian remains in the pipe line," Barry answers.

"No! Now wait a minute, Barry!" H.R. starts them off as the others are jarred by the hero's threat.

"We can't ignore the fact that Julian's brain has been linked to Savitar," Barry presses on despite everyone's objections. He lowers his voice to a hissing whisper, "I will **not** let Iris die. Not when I can save her."

"Fine," Eddie relents, knowing he couldn't stop the other man from following through with his threat. "But you bring Julian back here first."

Another blast of speed and Julian is back in the room, looking angry and disoriented.

"What was that for?" the Brit sputters at the speedster.

"It's in the basement of the Central City Hotel," Eddie tells Barry. He smirks unpleasantly, "I'm sure you'll be able to find it quickly enough."

The speedster runs from the room and Eddie turns to Julian.

"Are you okay?" he asks, pulling the other blonde into his arms. "Did he do anything to you when he took you away?"

"He just put me into one of his makeshift cells," Julian answers. "Why did you tell him where the stone was?"

"He threatened to keep you locked up," Eddie answers, pulling away to put a hand on the other man's cheek. "I couldn't bear to think of you as a prisoner. Consequences be-"

Barry returns with the cracker box that has the stone inside it.

"Cisco," he turns to his friend. "Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" the genius snaps. "You going to lock me up next?"

"What happened to not making Julian a greater prisoner than he already was?" Caitlin angrily adds.

"I was only-" Barry stops when he sees all the angry faces directed at him. He lets out a tired breath. "You'll thank me later."

"I highly doubt that, Allen," Julian counters.

"Cisco," the speedster turns to his friend again. "Please, can we just do this?"

"You don't seem to be giving out choices today, Barry," Cisco returns, but he walks with the speedster to the breach room.

After they've gone, Caitlin and Iris walk over to the two blondes.

"I'm so sorry, Julian," Caitlin starts with a sympathetic smile.

"You did nothing wrong, Caitlin," the Brit assures her.

Iris focuses more Eddie as she smiles again, "I still can't believe you're alive!"

"It was a little strange for me too, at first," Eddie admits as he relaxes, arm wrapped around Julian's waist.

Both women glance at each other before Caitlin broaches the subject.

"So...you two are...?"

"We're together," Julian answers first. "After this, I'll be leaving Central City. There's nothing for me here."

"What? Just like that you're leaving?" Iris asks Eddie.

"My old life here is gone," the blondes answers. He tugs Julian closer, "I need to protect my new family now."

The computer blasts the alarm of a breach opening.

　

*** * * * ***{Barry POV}*** * * * ***

　

On the way to the breach room, Barry starts to have doubts.

What if he was wrong? What if putting the stone in the Speed Force again was _another_ part of Savitar's plans?

He couldn't risk it. He had to know for sure.

So, with no one to stop him, Barry runs to the future.

　

He stops where Iris is supposed to be killed. He looks around frantically for any signs of the evil speedster, but sees nothing.

Iris appears out of nowhere, her eyes on her phone as she walks, wearing the exact outfit she did in Barry's nightmares of the future.

"Iris!" he calls out to her. She was still alive!

Iris looks up from her phone and her face lights up with a surprised smile, "Barry?"

"I'm so happy you're okay!" he says, stepping towards her.

"Where have you been? You disappeared!" she tells him, stepping to him as well.

Suddenly, there's a force that pushes the speedster away from his love, his entire body rolling down the small hill as it tries to come to a stop.

Barry speeds back to his feet and his body ices in fear as Savitar stands behind Iris EXACTLY how he did when he was there before.

How is this possible?!

Barry begs as he did before, the heavy and confusing weight of the stone falling from his hand.

"Now, I will be free of you," Savitar says, then kill Iris as he did before.

Barry screams as he runs to his love's side.

What did he do wrong? How as it possible if the stone was gone? How was Savitar created?

_But is isn't gone. I still have it._

The stone still exists and somehow his most hated enemy still came into being.

"Barry, how could you?" Wally's voice shouts at him from behind and Barry turns to the stormy face of the younger speedster, Iris still held tightly in his arms.

Wally raises the stone with one hand.

"Was it worth it?" he spits angrily. "Was the power of this rock worth abandoning us? Your team? My sister?"

_Wally! Wally becomes Savitar!_

Barry forces himself to let go of Iris in order to take the forbidden object from Wally. After getting the stop back and separating himself far enough away, he stops long enough to apologize.

"I'm so sorry," he says. "I'll make this right. I promise."

"You keep promising but everything gets worse!" Wally shouts at him.

"This time I mean it," Barry vows, then runs back to the past.

　

Barry goes back to where he left Cisco and goes through the breach like he should have from the beginning.

He runs back into the Speed Force with the stone in hand, ready to get rid of it once and for all.

He knew what he was doing. Regardless of how the others reacted to his methods, his fight with Savitar would finally come to an end.

Everything would finally be over....

　

But something goes wrong.

During the trip through the dimensions, the stone shines brightly and Barry's world fades away from him into total nothingness.

 _Barry_ Savitar's voice calls to him.

'You can't stop me! I'm getting rid of you once and for all!'

_Foolish boy....You cannot run from your destiny._

'I took you away from Eddie! I took you away from Wally! Neither of them will become you! You'll be trapped here forever! Just a stone without anyone to control!'

_But, Barry....Edward was never meant to become a deity. Nor was Wallace._

'What?'

_Edward Thawne was merely the transport to my true disciple; the one who would become Savitar._

'Who? Who are you?!'

_I am the future Flash._

'You've said that before! What does it mean?'

_I am the future....The Flash of the future._

'No.'

_I am Barry Allen. You and I are one and the same._

'It can't be! NO. No, it doesn't make any sense! This is-NO! No, it's not happening!'

_When you entered the Speed Force with the stone, we were fused into one entity. There is nothing to separate us now. Nothing to stop me from fulfilling my true purpose._

'NO! I watched you kill Iris! I was trying to stop you!'

_It's was an illusion. A time paradox. You didn't see someone else kill Iris, Barry. You only witness yourself murdering your last connection to the world from an outsider's point of view. You, Barry Allen, you killed Iris West!_

'NOOOO! I won't let it happen! I'll keep myself in here forever! I'll never be able to hurt anyone else ever again!'

_That is what we thought in the beginning. We locked ourselves away to 'keep them safe'. But time in eternity does strange things to a man's mind._

'This can't be true. It isn't true! I won't let it happen!'

_But it already has, Barry! You just have yet to realize it!_

　

Through the endlessness of the Speed Force, Barry loses his mind. The stone warps him, turning him against himself. Making Barry Allen the villain while changing his own identity to Savitar.

'Savitar' kills Iris to free himself from his past.

All the while thinking himself more than he really was.

  


*---???---???---???----*  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I, honestly, have NO idea what this is. Originally, it was going to be Julian falling for Eddie and neither man knowing who the other was (or maybe Eddie did and was using Julian); then Eddie would be revealed as Savitar. But I realized I hated that because Julian needs more love and I found myself desperate to "point the finger" at someone else.  
> As I thought about it, I kept remembering the way Savitar said, "I am the future Flash." -And I couldn't help but wonder: "Was that WITH or WITHOUT the comma?" Because commas save lives!  
> For example:  
> "Let's eat, Grandma."  
> "Let's eat Grandma."  
> Get it?
> 
> In the end, I had this story that was so, so, so, so, so hard to write and probably worse to read. I don't know for sure though, so that's why I posted it. Maybe there's something in here that's not horrendous - extremely unpleasant, horrifying, or terrible.  
> Like I said, I don't know.  
> Thank You for reading my rant. I apologize for the pessimism.
> 
> **I am legally inclined to state I own nothing.**


	2. *Bonus (Short) Epilogue*

After Barry disappears, the entire Team does their best to try and find him.  
They turn up nothing.

"We can't stay here forever, waiting for a man who has nothing to do with us," Eddie tells Julian softly.  
With a tired sigh, Julian nods his head in agreement.  
"We should at least say goodbye to the others," he says.

After a tender farewell, the couple leave Central City and go off to travel the world together.

They cry when they hear the news of Iris's death and the random appearance and second disappearance of The Flash.  
They celebrate when Kid Flash and Jesse Quick, finally take down Savitar. Ending the monster's reign once and for all.

But they never return to Central City.

Julian takes Eddie back to his home country to settle down in a small city. They work along side each other; one a scientist, the other a teacher.  
And life is bliss.


End file.
